Logged Away
by chrissie0707
Summary: My post DLG one shot. Just an extension of the episode.


**A/N **I'm not very happy, but I'm not going to take my anger out on you guys. I have to do this fast, though, because the police are on their way over. Someone broke into my car last night. They weren't good enough to get my CD player or anything, but it's obvious that they tried.

Anyway, here is my post "Daddy's Little Girl" one-shot, as I was not overly impressed with the episode. I hopeI got the name right, I thinkit is, but if not, oh well. The name isn't important.

Hope everyone has a day better than mine. Grr.

* * *

**Logged Away

* * *

**

"Sylvia Mullins was Walter Gordon's ex-business partner. I think that she had something to do with my kidnapping."

Now that he thought about it, it was amazing that he had even managed to get the words to come out of his mouth. He had never, not even a single time, over the last eight months said those words. _"My kidnapping." _It made him think about it. Which really didn't fit into his whole 'not thinking about it' plan.

It made him feel like a victim.

Almost more so than seeing the link to his case on Kelly Gordon's record. Her permanent record. He had a case. A file. A permanent file.

Almost more than the flashing message. _New evidence logged._ He had evidence. There was evidence about _him._

Technically speaking, Nick _was_ a victim. Kidnapping, assault, probably attempted murder, if the son of a bitch was still alive. Nick had been victimized.

It wasn't a feeling that he was too happy feeling.

And he wasn't too happy about finding that piece of new evidence in the first place. Logged in by none other than Gil Grissom, supervisor. Something about seeing that line had just made him feel like less of a man, less of a person. He was a victim, sure, but more than that, he was a case, more evidence logged away. But obviously nothing important enough to mention.

He should have said something then. _"Why didn't you tell me about the tape?" _Would that have been so hard? One step at time…he had acknowledged out loud that it had happened, right? He could become more confrontational later.

Nick wasn't going to lie himself – the words had caught in his throat. It hadn't been an easy statement to make. It was a really hard word to say now. Especially when you had to attach "my" to it. Then it was personal.

It hadn't just been the denial. Or repression, or whatever it was that the department psychologist wanted to call it this week. It had been anger, too.

Nick felt a late twinge of guilt over snapping at Archie…but a very small twinge. He felt that he had the right to be a little angry.

After so many years working together, Nick felt that he and Grissom should have finally passed the supervisor-subordinate work relationship, and moved into something that more closely resembled a friendship, of some kind. Apparently, they were slipping even further away from that, hovering somewhere around the CSI-casefile relationship.

Something about Grissom working on his case without telling him just made him feel so violated. And then he was back to the victim thing.

But he had said it. Made it real. He was still angry with Grissom, but proud of himself for saying the words. He had made a step to move past it. For a moment, it really felt like things were getting back on track.

But, of course, it had been way too early in the day to make an assumption like that.

He stayed in the room for what felt like hours. It was really probably only minutes before the paramedics arrived. Sophia had done the moral, valiant thing and started CPR. Not that it mattered much in the end. And Nick had looked on, in a sort of shock. Not that it mattered much in the end.

In the end, he found himself standing back against the wall, unmoving, transfixed by the scene that lay before him. He felt oddly connected to her. They were both just casefiles.

Nick expected to feel relief, looking down at the now pale and still form of Kelly Gordon. The last living reminder of what had happened to him. _"My kidnapping."_ He didn't expect to feel this kind of shock going through him. In some way, he'd wanted to know that things were going to turn out okay for Kelly.

Nick hadn't wanted to believe that she was a murderer, but just a good person who was put into a bad situation. She had been falsely accused to begin with, right? And she had nothing to do with what her father had done. She was an innocent in all of this.

But she crossed a line. A big one. For money. And then she had swallowed a bunch of pills.

It must have been a Gordon thing – taking the easy way out. No one in the family seemed to be willing to face up to the consequences of their actions. No one in the family seemed to care that the consequences of their actions all involved him. They tossed his life and feelings around as though they were nothing.

When the paramedics entered the room, they startled him.

The other officers left almost as soon as the paramedics arrived. Sophia stayed behind, slightly winded from the useless CPR, standing next to the body on the bed as though she was watching over it. But Nick knew better than that. She was watching over him.

Until Grissom showed up, which had been inevitable. No words were exchanged between the detective and the CSI as Grissom entered the room. He simply went straight to Nick's side, put a hand on his arm, and told him that he would take care of it.

Nick's stubborn and defiant reflex response was to tell Grissom no, that he could handle it, but he couldn't get his mouth to form the words. He found himself feeling angry, and betrayed, by the woman who now just a corpse. For a moment, he had believed her. There was no airbag powder on her hands, right? It had made him feel bad for accusing her in the first place. But she had lied. Something that a lot of people seemed to be doing.

Nick nodded and left the room. It suddenly felt much too hot and stuffy in the small room and narrow hallway of the apartment building, and he politely but quickly pushed his way through the throng of law enforcement officers in his way.

When he burst out into the cool, open air, he expected to feel that something had changed. Something that had been bearing down on him in the apartment – but it was still there. It was supposed to be over now, right? That was what Grissom had said, and Nick had agreed with him. Granted, he had agreed to end the short yet incredibly uncomfortable conversation, but what about the step to get past it that he had made? _"My kidnapping." _These little things should have been building up to the point where it really was done.

It wasn't done. Kelly Gordon's death might have made the situation go away, but it didn't make the pain go away.

He had somehow made it back to the lab. Back to Grissom's office. He stared at Grissom, feeling the same spark of anger that he had felt earlier in the day. It was ridiculously out of place at the moment, but it was something that was hanging on with a death-grip.

"She did it," Grissom said.

_No shit. _"Yeah."

Grissom studied Nick over the rim of his glasses. "Do you know why?"

Nick shrugged. "Does it matter?"

Grissom squinted. He always took short, clipped answers as someone's attempt to get out of a conversation. Maybe he was right. "I thought you might like some closure."

_What's that like? _"She's dead. They're all dead. What more do I need?" Nick inwardly winced at how cold his voice sounded. It wasn't intentional; it was just the way the words seemed to be coming out. Grissom wouldn't understand, anyways. He was the one who had said that it was over before all of this had even happened. Back when they thought Kelly Gordon was still innocent.

"If you're sure…"

"I am." Nick stood and turned to the door. He stopped mid-stride and turned back to face his supervisor. He couldn't leave some things unsaid. With them, it would probably remain unsaid forever. "You should have told me. About the tape."

Grissom had the grace to actually look ashamed of himself. "I didn't want to get you worked up."

"What would make you think that I'd get worked up?" Nick asked, trying to keep his voice steady. He was angry, yeah, but he didn't want to start a fight. "I think I've been very calm, considering."

Grissom raised his eyebrows. "I've noticed."

_Oh, he is not even doing that. _"Okay, then." Nick's eyes narrowed. "You should have told me."

"I should have told you," Grissom agreed, but his tone was non-committal.

Taking what he could get, Nick gave a small nod and left the office. He didn't make it too far. The bench in the hall seemed to be calling his name, and Nick felt the sudden need to just sit down and process everything. Maybe that was why he had seemed so calm – his mind wasn't doing anything with the information that it was given. He should probably be a basket case by now. _A case._

Another undetermined period of time passed, but it was long enough for Nick to know that his shift was long over. Nick looked up from staring at the wall at the sound of voices. Standing at the end of the hall were Warrick and Catherine. Nick knew that Catherine had been standing there for awhile; Warrick must have just come in.

He saw his friend's expression change as Catherine spoke to him. Nick couldn't make out the words, but it didn't take a genius to know what she was saying. Warrick looked down the hall at him and Nick momentarily met his eyes, hoping to convey the message. _Not now. _He needed to think.

Thankfully, Warrick understood the silent message, and gave Nick a nod. Nick also got the message that his friend was trying to get to _him_ – _we'll talk later._

Nick looked back at the wall. Actually, he supposed that there wasn't really a whole lot to think about anymore.

Walter Gordon was dead.

Sylvia Mullins was dead.

Kelly Gordon was dead.

"_I guess that means it's over."_

"_Yeah."_

"_Good."_

"_Good."_

It was over. Another trial in his life. Another piece of evidence.

Logged away.

Right…

* * *

That's all. Short, I know. We'll see what else my mind does with it. 


End file.
